I feel like a lumberjack

1. I'm fat.
2. I have a sick beard.
3. I like to imagine myself wearing flannel.
4. ...and most importantly, last time I went to buy hand lotion, they didn't have the stuff I normally get, so I got Vaseline Men's body/face lotion, and it smells like pine wood, like I've just been chopping down some evergreens and throwing em into a wood chipper.

Delicious.