This Book Will Change Your Life: January

Day 12

Independent
Extremely smart
Funny
Willing to do things spur of the moment
Isn't greedy
Sarcastic - I love sarcasm
Arrogant - Arrogance is a charming quality imo lmao
full of confidence - I dont like pussies.

DOUGPOSTDOUGPOSTDOUGPOST!!!!

Day 12: What's your type?

N/A

Done!

But seriously, as long as they're not a dick, I'm fine.

I JUST WENT OUT AND BOUGHT THIS BOOK!

...But when I got home, I realized it was newer edition, with all new tasks!!

I'm debating if people here are willing to do TWO tasks a day instead of one. Thoughts?

DO IT!!!!!!!!

I've been flipping through, and some are kind of... intense. Not sure if all these will be possible, lmao. But I'll still post them all! Starting tomorrow Aka after midnight tonight.

Sorry for missing today's post. I wasn't at a computer today until around 11:00, and that was just me passing through. So tomorrow you'll have all kinds of things to think about and do, since Jess now has even MORE ways for us to change our lives and from what I've seen, some of those tasks are nuuuts.

It should be a good time.

So here is...

DAY 14: A day of compliments

Flatter someone today, and see if it does indeed get you anywhere.

Some helpful examples:

"What a fine hat!"
"This is the best memo I've ever read."
"That toupee really suits you, your honor."
"They never told me you were as beautiful as well as intelligent."
"That's a nice briefcase."
"You're not the boss for nothing!"

Let us know how it goes


And here is...

DAY 15: Be gay for a day!

[Gays: be straight for a day! Adapt the following guidelines, only making it clear you're heading into the closet.]

8am - During rush hour, try to brush up gently against someone in public transportation. This is just to get yourself used to the idea of same-sex contact. Do not push this too far as technically it is known as frottage and could get you arrested.

11am - The office coffee machine is the ideal casual flirting situation. Wait for the object of your affection to help themselves to a coffee before bumping into them. Their beverage will spill over them, providing you with the perfect opportunity to caress their chest with a kitchen towel.

1pm - Because of social convention, it is much easier to find a gay mate if you are officially on the lookout. Use your lunch-hour to compose a carefully worded all-staff e-mail in which you come out of the closet. You can always claim it was a misunderstanding tomorrow.

3pm - By now you should have had plenty of responses to your flirting overtures, but you also need to start planning your evening. Ring a close same-gender friend and say you have something important to tell them. Arrange to meet in a romantic bar or restaurant. Candlelight is best.

5pm - The end of the office day. As tomorrow you will be able to explain everything, why not turn up the heat a little by squeezing someone's bottom playfully on your way out. If possible, pick someone with a sense of humor.

8pm - By now your date should be going well. After a few drinks, some inadvertent touching, and a lot of eye contact, you will have told your close friend that you think that your relationship could be taken to the next level. They may act unconvinced at first, even play "hard to get," so don't be shy of forcing them to deal with their feeling by grabbing their hand or even french kissing them.

11pm - Only one hour left to explore the outer shores of your new sexuality. After today's gradual physical emotional build-up, the last inhibitions shouldn't be too hard to shed. The rest is up to you...

I've got some catch-up to play tonight.

Day 12

My perfect guy right now would be:
- 5'9" tall
- ~250 lbs, mostly in his stomach (he used to be in shape)
- light brown/reddish hair; curly when long
- red beard
- hazel eyes that close really small when he smiles an amazing smile
- from outside the city, but not suburbia; small town kid, buuut...
- very open-minded with a child-like curiosity and respect
- shy and very mannered at first, but quick to adjust and open up
- may not read a lot, but reads for pleasure
- enjoys music and finding new stuff to listen to
- protective, but not obsessive - insanely loyal to friends and family, even if almost annoyingly so
- great listener: knows when to talk and when to just listen
- appreciates the little things, but dreams big
- snores

This is my current model. I won't lie, it's based on one of the hardest crushes I've ever had. But he moved away...I'm sure this ideal man will change with time as a result of it.

oh damn...I'm not from outside the city.


ALSO...Day 15 title was wrong, let me fix that.


DAY 15: Get Fired!

Lmao I was totally reading that going.... Yeeahhh, hope you don't like your job! bahaha

Hahahahaha, as I was copying it, I was like, "This may just be the one I never do."

Buuut, I started thinking about it, and as long as you adapt it to work in a way that will not result in your firing or getting your ass beat, it's totally possible.

I would just need to find someone that won't be crushed by my fake profession of love to them. I could lose a couple friends with this one

bahahaha, I don't think I'll go as far as squeezing asses, going on dates, and french kissing, but I s'ppose I could flirt with girls all day XD

And also, Doug and I determined my book is the British edition. And like he said, there are some INTENSE ones. Anyways, here's today's! Woot for posting after midnight!

BRITISH EDITION - DAY 15 - Ask your loved ones to list your bad points.

On your journey to change your life, you must undergo self-criticism and establish just what was wrong with your old one. Ask your nearest and dearest to write down what they don't like about you so that you may attempt to rectify the problem. To help motivate you, they are to renounce you at the end of the year if you haven't changed.

I normally don't do these, but day 14 was easy enough for me (I'm lazy!!!)

I was subbing for one of our fourth grade teachers today for like 20 minutes having the kids do math worksheets. I was dishing out the compliments, very original stuff like "Good job!" "You're doing great!" "Wow! You got that done really fast Billy Bob" I miss the days when dividing 36 by 12 was a big deal.

I always give tons of compliments to the kids at work because they thrive on the positive reinforcement. Oh and candy, because who doesn't love candy.

BE GAY FOR A DAY:

This was actually really easy, since my roommate, Kai, and I joke about being in love all the time. So today, I asked her out for lunch, and we had a lovely meal at the mall. The pickup line I used: "Hey baby, I hear you have a pillowtop mattress." Worked like a charm.

ASK YOUR LOVED ONES TO LIST YOUR BAD POINTS:

My Mom: I'm messy and get too intense when I'm talking about something I have strong feelings towards.
My Sister: I'm immature, annoying and childish.
My Roommate: I'm passive-agressive.
My Other Roommate: I'm too anti-social.
Ryan: I'm not outgoing enough, and that's the reason I'm still single

I also learned today that my book is the Best Of edition. So just a warning in advance, some of the Doug's and mine will overlap.

Anyways, today's task is rather... intense, and something I'd never do. I hope Doug's is better, hahaha.

BRITISH EDITION - DAY 16

This morning, walk into a police station, announce you're finally giving yourself up and refuse to say another word for the rest of the day.


Now, I'm not doing this for obvious reasons. There's even info below about how your day in jail will go. So, I kinda of adapted it, and simply confessed something to my roommate, rather than pretending to confess to the police.

Oh! And I finally sent my letter to a murderer today. I sent it to Theodore Kaczynski, since he has the least amount of victims, lmao.

All I sent was a piece of paper, and in big letters in a sharpie, it says "It's never too late to do what's right".

hahaha, I'm glad I've managed to successfully do each task so far XD

I hope you didn't include a return address.

I actually did! bahahaha. Didn't include my name though. Honestly, I'm just curious if he'd write back. I think that would be... interesting to receive a letter from a murderer, hahaha.

PS, I realized that since that post of mine started a new page, I doubt anyone will see today's ridiculous task that I posted a few minutes ago, which is at the bottom of the previous page. So I might as well mention that I posted it there, if anyone wants to read it.

YOU MADE A MISTAKE, OH MY GOD, DON'T OPEN ANY LARGE PACKAGES ADDRESSED TO 'OCCUPANT' FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU PICKED THE ABSOLUTE WRONG ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the advice

WELL I MEAN CHRIST, YOU DECIDED TO SEND A LETTER TO THE ONLY KILLER ON THE LIST WHO KILLED USING THE MAIL, I JUST, I CAN'T BELIEVE, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???????????

OMGGGGGGGG, I didn't realize he killed using the mail

I just thought he'd be the most sane since he had the least amount of victims.

My bad o.O

Well, at least he won't have any bombs in jail.

HE'S THE UNIBOMBER, HOW DID THAT NOT CLICK??????????

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Thank you, that was actually all very funny, I'm sure you're perfectly safe, it was just like mind blowing to me.

bahahahaha, it just didn't click. I got the bomb part, but the "uni" meant nothing to me.

And I wikipediaed him. He's actually a really smart guy. Has a PhD and was a math professor. His bombings were all planned for a reason, not just random acts of terror, lol. So I'll be safe. He has no reason to kill me

Unless he has always PLANNED to kill you.