This Book Will Change Your Life: January

Okay, so I made it my New Year's Resolution to complete this book. It's called "This Book Will Change Your Life: 365 Daily Instructions for Hysterical Living". Someone said that I should post the instructions each day, and whether they were serious or not, I'm not sure. However, I thought it would be fun, because who know, maybe someone else wants to do it. So here we go!

Preface: How to Use This Book, "Life Preferences" Survey, & "In Case of Sudden Death Survey"

"The Book will only help you if you want to be helped. Welcome it into your life and who knows what or who you'll be by this time next year. Ignore it and your life will continue in its current orbit. Now, of course, not everyone will be in a position to follow the instructions to the letter every day, and some are more demanding than others. But make the effort and your reward with be a year to remember, the first of many. Do not underestimate the difficulty of following the Book. Its dictates may seem arbitrary, but only thus can we counter the arbitrariness of fate."

Fill in life preferences in case of amnesia:

My favorite color _____
My favorite food _____
My lucky number _____
My sexual orientation _____
My best foot _____
My best friend _____
My most annoying habit _____
My favorite football team _____
My signature (can't really do this here, can we?)

In case of suddent death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell:
Confession (my worst sin) -- I did ______ to ______
I want to be: Buried [] Cremated [] Other [] ______
Song to be played at my funeral:
Epitaph:
Lasting regret:
My stuff goes to:

Dear ______ (best friend), please go to my room and remove _______ from ________ before my poor mother finds it.

DAY 1: Warm-ups!

As this is your first day, you should warm up with an easy task that will only change your life a little bit.

Choose one of the following options:

- Do one press-up.
- Perform a strip-tease (in private).
- Triple-tie your shoelaces.
- Learn to play chopstick on the piano.
- Increase your typing speed by three words a minute.
- Jaywalk in a pedestrian zone.
- Set all your clocks to exactly the right time.
- Whisper a little white lie when no one's listening.
- Fantasize about your partner.
- Use a different thickness comb.
- Say "yo" instead of "hello."
- Hold the phone up to your other ear.
- Tell someone your middle name.
- Try a new sandwich filling.
- Leave work five minutes early.
- Bookmark a new website.
- Give your gentalia pet names.
- Decide which of your toes is the prettiest.
- Insult an insect.
- Go on a one-minute hunger strike.

And for the crazy individuals who want to dive in at the deep end: open the Book at random and perform that Day's taks (something else we can't really do).


TELL US WHAT YOU DID!!



Also, if you really want to commit, keep track of your mood! Use the following system to guage your mood:

Orgasmic!
Over the moon
Happy as Larry
Fine, Thank you!
Okay
So-so
Pissed off
Mad as hell
Deeply depressed
Suicidal

My favorite color is green
My favorite food is Tex Mex
My lucky number 14
My sexual orientation straight
My best foot is the right one
My best friend is in heaven
My most annoying habit smoking
My favorite football team I guess is the Cowboys.
My signature looks like chicken scratch

In case of sudden death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell: Boyd that I love him.
Confession (my worst sin) -- I did not do anything to anyone lol
I want to be: Buried [] Cremated [ ] and scattered in the ocean
Song to be played at my funeral: I have a whole list. - but mostly: Adrift and at Peace - Nine Inch Nails
Epitaph: An Angel Who Went Home
Lasting regret: Didnt get to see the world
My stuff goes to: My husband


Task for the day: My prettiest toe is the 2nd toe on my right foot.

Mood for the day: Fine, Thank you

Fill in life preferences in case of amnesia:

My favorite color: purple!
My favorite food: cornbread!
My lucky number: ??
My sexual orientation: quite gay!
My best foot: my right!
My best friend: Zach, Chris, Renee, Grant, Jenn, and many others that are associated with these peopel!
My most annoying habit: Not exactly a habit, but I snore...?
My favorite football team: the Browns!
My signature (can't really do this here, can we?)

In case of sudden death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell: My mom, my siblings, and my friends. Also, please inform Mr. Grant Wanner, as he is a great friend that I do not want over looked.
Confession (my worst sin) -- I did ______ to ______ TBD
I want to be: Buried [X] Cremated [] Other [] ______
Song to be played at my funeral: Something happy
Epitaph: TBD
Lasting regret: Never getting laid!
My stuff goes to: Zach & Annie (two friends of mine), who then have permission to the decide where other belongings may go. I think between the two of them, they'd do a pretty good job!

Dear Zach, please go to my room and remove the brown folder from the shelf nearest my bed before my poor mother finds it.

Today, I am Over the Moon!

So far, I have held my phone up to my other ear.

And now...


MY MIDDLE NAME IS GEORGE!

Hehehe, I'm going to have to find Zach when you die and take a peek in this brown folder ;]

My favorite color: Green
My favorite food: Any kind of pasta.
My lucky number: Not sure, but I'm partial to 8.
My sexual orientation: Straight
My best foot: Erm. My left looks better at this moment.
My best friend: Jordan.
My most annoying habit: I'm squirmy when I'm sitting and I really don't realize it until someone points it out.
My favorite football team: Don't really have one?
My signature: Looks like a 5th grader's.

In case of sudden death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell: My family and friends?
Confession (my worst sin): I'm not sure I have one D:
I want to be: Buried [] Cremated [] Other [X] I'm waiting for a third option as neither of these appeal to me :D
Song to be played at my funeral: Don't care.
Epitaph: Not sure if I'm going to have a gravestone, so I don't know.
Lasting regret: Not being more adventurous, or being shy for as long as I was.
My stuff goes to: Whoever wants it.

Dear Jordan, please go to my room and remove the folder of printouts from LJ from my desk before my poor mother finds it.

Woot! Doug, I was totally serious when I told you to post these each day, hahaha. I've been looking for the book, since I wanna do it, but I've yet to find it in my stupid little town. When I go back to the city next week I'm sure I'll find it XD In the meantime, my answers will go here!


My favorite color is green.
My favorite food is ice cream.
My lucky number is 8 and 713.
My sexual orientation is straight.
My best foot is my right foot.
My best friend is Geneva.
My most annoying habit is that I'm a very loud chewer and drinker.
My favorite football team is nonexistant.
My signature isn't here.

In case of sudden death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell: my family and friends that I love them all and I'll save them a spot in Heaven
Confession (my worst sin) -- I'm on academic probation (my parents would KILL me if they found out... which is why up until now, only Ryan knew, lol)
I want to be: Buried [X] Cremated [] Other [] ______
Song to be played at my funeral: Vienna by Billy Joel and Forever Young by Shane Weibe
Epitaph: Vienna Waits For You
Lasting regret: Not keeping in touch with my family as much as I should
My stuff goes to: My savings goes to my little sister to pay for her schooling in a few years. The rest of my things will simply be up to my parents to decide.

Dear Geneva, please go to my room and remove my browsing history from my laptop before my poor mother finds it.

TASK:
I'm feeling lazy, so I'll simply tell you all that my middle name is Mary, named after my grandmaaaa.

And today, I'm feeling fine, thank you!

Haha. Computer history is a good one!! lol

Honestly, my browsing history is SO awkward! It's all from writing my novel though, lmao. There's stuff about abortions, AIDS, heroin, abuse, jail, birth control... Seriously. My browsing history is rough. Especially if my parents read it.

Fill in life preferences in case of amnesia:

My favorite color: Yellow
My favorite food: Spaghetti
My lucky number: 27
My sexual orientation: Gay
My best foot: Left
My best friend: Korey
My most annoying habit: Saying "what?" or "HUH?" too much
My favorite football team: Whaaat?

In case of suddent death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell: my family i love them
Confession (my worst sin) -- I did steal a pair of underwear from the store because I was too embarassed to buy them!
I want to be: Buried [] Cremated [] Other [X] Frozen and brought back to life, ok thanks?
Song to be played at my funeral: That's actually a really weird thing to think about, I'm not sure
Epitaph: Same as above.. ha
Lasting regret: Not listening to everyone around me.
My stuff goes to: Whoever wants to go through my all my shit

Dear Korey, please go to my room and remove evertyhing from the top drawer on the nightstand before my poor mother finds it.

OH MAN! I want to find this book so I can do it too!!!! I'll have to keep up with it every day on here until I can find it, HAHAHAHA!!!

Fill in life preferences in case of amnesia:

My favorite color is Maroon.
My favorite food is Cheeseburgers.
My lucky number is 84 (I just decided this)
My sexual orientation pretty gay.
My best foot technically the right, but I like the left more.
My best friend is Annabella.
My most annoying habit is refusing to acknowledge 'football' as anything other than what that word ACTUALLY means.
My favorite football team is FC Bayern München.
My signature (can't really do this here, can we?)

In case of suddent death:

Should I die unexpectedly, please tell:
Confession (my worst sin) -- I know what this is...but I'm not saying.
I want to be: Buried [] Cremated [] Other [ ] Unforgettable
Song to be played at my funeral: I don't want a funeral, seriously.
Epitaph: Sometimes I is Goblins.
Lasting regret: Not taking more of you with me. Specifically Lauren.
My stuff goes to: Manda, just because she wouldn't want it.

Dear Manda, please go to my room and remove everything you can find from my dresser drawers that aren't clothes before my poor mother finds it. Also as a reward go through my DVDs and Video Games and pick out some nice stuff. Also...destroy my phone.



I know we only had to do one...but...these were easy so I warmed up a little harder.
- Do one press-up.
- Perform a strip-tease (in private). (I do that every day)
- Triple-tie your shoelaces.
- Say "yo" instead of "hello."
- Hold the phone up to your other ear.
- Tell someone your middle name. IT'S JOSEPH!!!
- Bookmark a new website.
- Insult an insect. (then I killed it...adding injury to insult)


And today I am So-So.

Wow, a lot of people did this lol. Today's will be up soon. It's not as...involved as yesterday's, but it could be pretty interesting. Day three (if I'm remembering correctly) is downright harsh...at least for me.

DAY 2: The Love of Your Life

Today, gaze at everyone wondering whether they might be the one true love of your life, the one destined for you and you alone, and whether you might be passing them by forever... Act accordingly.


And remember, take notes!

Okay, so far I've only been home (where I'm clearly not going to carry out this task) and Bob Evans which is full of old people and pimply teenagers. So if I look at this task from these perspectives, I'm one of a few things: a pedophile, an incestuous creep, or a twenty- one year old with a sugar daddy. Hopefuly I go to the mall or something later.

Update: since I've been here, one person is considerable. I was getting worried though. I even had my sugar daddy picked out...it was a mentally traumatizing experience.

DAY 3: Throw away something you like.



That is all it says



This is the one I said was hard. I keep everything.

I have some green pots and pans. But my mom bought me new ones for Christmas and they are much nicer than my old green ones. I have been telling myself since Christmas Id throw away the green ones. Maybe I should just do it. lol

This is gonna take me all day.


And it's going to be painful.

Uh oh.......but I like something I like!!!

Ooooh, dear! I'll have to think about this.... I'm come back later to share my story. lol

DAY 4: World coloring-in day!

Today, work out your globetrotting plans for the rest of your time on Earth, and get on the phone to an accredited travel agent. NB: the State Dept. currently discourages traveling to the following countries: Afghanistan, Iraq, North Korea, Turkmenistan, Zimbabwe, North Yemen.

Fill in country by country:
GREEN - Been there, done that.
BLUE - Intend to go there this year.
YELLOW - Intend to go there before I die.
RED - Happy never to set foot there in my whole life.

There are a couple ways we can do this, since we clearly don't all have a map. You COULD (if you want the less-trouble route) just make a list of the places you've been, the places you're going soon, the places you want to go, and the places you'll never go.

OR, I'm attaching this lovely blank map (sorry if it stretches your screen) that you can color using whatever means tickles your fancy. I know I'm using my favorite art software ever: MS Paint.

So have at it! Here's the map I'm using (it doesn't have names, so you may have to specify somehow):

Mine so far. I would be happy going anywhere, so I could technically fill in anything white with yellow; however, the white is also places I wouldn't be upset about not visiting. I don't have any specific aversions to any specific places.

I didn't throw anything away...I'll be honest. Did anyone else??? But
here is my map!!! I added another color, which is purple, which means
"If I don't get there it means my life was a failure."



Germany is Green, Yellow, and also Purple, HAHA!

I striped Canada and The USA because there are places I haven't been that I want to go. Dallas maybe????????????????????????? And Washington and Alaska are purple.

Also, over in Europe, it wasn't a mistake, I just don't care enough about Finland to make it yellow.

And Tasmania might have been Purple...but they have Bulldog ants...the worst ants!!!! And believe me...there are TOO many horrible ant species, but that one is the worst. God...ants are the scariest creatures.

1) Jamaica isn't on the map. So I added a dot where it should be.
2) I'm stupid when it comes to geography, so I couldn't find Hong Kong. So instead, I just circled southern China, lmao.
3) Paint didn't feel like doing a good job colouring in countries. Oh well.



BEEN:
Canada
US
Jamaica
England
France
Belgium

NEEEEED TO GO:
Egypt
Israel
Scotland
Austria
Australia
Japan
South Korea
Tanzania

PS, I kinda got around the "Throw out something you like".

I love Mr. Noodles, so I threw out a pack (aka gave it to my roommate)