SSC: Episode 1: "Samoa Survivors, some more-a Fun"

What you are about to read is merely a fictional representation of what is going on during the voters-choice elimination game Survivor: Second Chance. It conatins foul language, is sometimes crude, contains sexual innuendo and is a caricature at best of the characters these people became on a reality show. They are often exaggerated or not at all like their real life persona. While I mean no true disrespect to any players or any readers of any age, gender, race, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or the like, I fully intend to indulge in some less-than-PC poking at each and every characteristic that might set these people apart. If they were boring on the show, I may completely reinvent them entirely. If you are easily offended, you may not want to read or participate. Otherwise I encourage you to paint any picture you like of any of these people throughout the tenure of the game. At any chance I can I will try to incorporate the things you say during TC rounds into the story to paint a picture of what is playing out. Why not? Anyway, my point is, I'm attempting to entertain myself by entertaining all of you. Hope you enjoy and again, hope you don't get too offended. lulz.


For those of you who have been following along already, from now on, posting, in regards to the game, will be conducted in it's own topic, sans commentary. Episodes and story-telling portion of the game will be done in a separate topic, as it has been done here. I will attempt to update the forum with a new episode at the end of each tribal council round to add fodder and life to your selections.

All I ask for is your continued participation. Thank you to those currently participating! I hope you continue to do so! :D















There have been many Survivors to play the game and many who’s shot at the million was lost for one reason or another...


Mike Skupin: Yep! I'm the guy who famously fell in the fire in Survivor: the Australian Outback. I was trying to get the fire going and I inhaled the smoke and I started to feel dizzy and next thing I know I'm waking up in incredible pain and the flesh is falling off my hands. I'd passed out, and fallen in the fire. The burns on my hands required me to be evacuated immediately. Such a shame. I had a lot of game left in me.

Bruce Kanegai: I believe I was doing quite well in Panama when my insides just stopped working completely. I could tell you what it's like to not shit for a week, but, well, do you really want to know? I was forced to leave the game to receive glorious enema. Suffice it to say I have been eating lots of Activia in preparation for this season. I know I will do very well this time.

Russell Swan: Yo Yo Yo Wassup dogs? Russell is back and you fools don't even know. Imma be hydrating the fuck out of this season.

Sometimes it was the player themselves fault...


Erik Reichenbach: Yes, yes, I know, I know. Stupidest. Move. Ever. I was suckered into believing that I could win back the favor of my tribe by giving up the only thing in the game that truly guaranteed my safety. I was young and this game fucks with you. My question to you though is, how do you explain Brandon Hantz?

Brandon Hantz: I struggled a lot out in the South Pacific. You guys don't know what it's like to want to be and do good, but be born of pure evil. Every attractive woman is a temptress. Every friend a snake. And the whole time all I wanted to do was redeem my family name. Since it didn't seem like Uncle Russ much appreciated my efforts, this time I plan to play for myself. God help me I'm gonna do it right this time...

**fade into Matt saying the same thing**


Matt Elrod: ...God help me I'm gonna do it right this time. I don't care how many duels I need to duel. Maybe this time the hot blonde won't screw me. Wait, that sounds like a bad thing... Oh Lord, I'm so confused!!!

Sometimes they were a victim of circumstance...


Paschal English: I may be 135 now, but, dammit I'm going to get my second chance. And if I so much as see a rock or the color purple I'm going to....throw my hat on the ground in a tantrum. I mean, realistically what more can I do? I'm 135.

Others caught the tail end of an unexpected twist...


Jenny Guzon-Bae: Are you freaking kidding me? I KNOW if I had had a chance to talk Adumb for a second I would have convinced him to keep me in the Cooks. That double-vote at TC robbed me of a fighting chance. This time I have some tricks up my sleeve. I'm gonna bob and weave like a hummingbird. Float like a butterfly, sting like a Guzon-Bae, baby. Ha! I got this.

Michelle Yi: It's complicated explaining why I'm here, but I know I deserve it. As long as people don't confuse me with Jenny, I think I'll be cute enough to get to at least the jury.

And some were just screwed by a twist even Survivor doesn't use anymore...


Jeff Varner: *Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh* When Skupin left, and we went into the merge even at numbers, I was the only person with a vote, and at that time, previous votes counted against you in a tie. Oh Debb. You got me in the end. Not even jury...

Lindsey Richter: If you'd gotten to see me in a bathing suit, I promise I wouldn't have been so whiny. I had to send another nude audition tape to get on this season, but, if I play my cards right, it will all be worth it. Now that previous votes count for shit, I can be as rude and nasty to the old people as I want. So Nahhhhhh

Who knows how their season would have turned out if these circumstances had not occurred and these players been eliminated? Surely you're dying to find out!...




Welcome to Survivor: Second Chance!

Send in the helicopters!

(camera cuts to 5 separate military helicopters flying above the Pacific Ocean towards a lonely archipelago of islands)





(With a flurry of wind and sand each helicopter touches down on the pristine beaches of Samoa.)







(The doors of each helicopter open and one by one castaways of Survivors past exit the plane and hop onto the beach. Furtive glances are exchanged as players begin sizing each other up and down, and some realize that the ghosts of their past have returned!)




Kelly Bruno: I was really excited to be back on the beach, ready to begin a brand new game. I thought, this will be my season to shine, now that that crazy bitch NaOnka is finally out of my life. I got a real raw deal the first time I played Survivor, and this time I plan to take it all the way.

NaOnka Mixon: Oh Hay-ll no! That stinkin' one-legged fool is back to try to snatch my money. I ain't havin' that. She'll be the first to go. Oh and if you thought I was nasty the first time I was on yo TV screen, you ain't seen nothin' yet baby. Nay-Nay repreSENT!

Ghandia Johnson: Yeah, Thailand wasn't a great experience for me. I thought I could feel safe and trust Ted, but he took advantage. Oh well, at least I should be free of him this---aw damn that's him gettin' off the plane. Now what?

Ted Rogers Jr.: Crap. Ghandia's back. She is not my wife. She is not my wife. She is not my wife. She is not....

Jan Gentry: I was in Thailand too!

Jane Bright: If Marty gets off that plane my head is going to explode and a thousand tiny Jane heads will replace it.
(picks up coconut)
Greg Buis: Hello? Sure, he's right here. Phillip, it's for you.
(takes coconut from Greg)
Phillip Shepard: Hello? Phillip Shepard reporting for duty, SIR! Yes sir, all of the secret agents are in place and operation droopy drawers is about to commence, SIR.

Kenny Hoang: Phillip, who are you talking to? That's a coconut. Hey, Neleh's here! She's hot.

Neleh Dennis: Oh my heck!!! Why is that creepy nerd staring at me? Hey Pappy! Look! I found a purplish looking rock on the ground!

Paschal English: That's not funny.

Elisabeth Filarski: Hey, where's MY father figure? Rodger? You in that plane somewhere?




(As soon as the helicopters are empty, the commotion begins again and each of the 5 military helicopters take off into the setting sun, not to be seen again for another 39 days.)


The survivors are anxiously awaiting their host to join them when, out of the jungle comes Jeff Probst, dressed in a suit holding an Emmy:




Probst: Oh hey! Look everybody! Skupin's hands grew back!





Mike Skupin: Yup!...Good as new!


(Suddenly, In a flash of TV magic, Probst's suit and Emmy disappear and he's kneeling on the beach ready to address the (still standing) Survivors.)






Probst: (big grin) Welcome to Survivor Second Chance! It's good to see you all again for exactly the second time! You all look wonderful! It's as if none of you have aged a bit. Dolly, you happy to be back?

Dolly Neely: Anything to get me away from those sheep, Jeff.

Probst: Haha, well, we're certainly glad to have you! Hopefully you can outlast the 2nd Tribal Council this time!

Dolly Neely: Heh, thanks.

Probst: Currently there are 52 of you, each returning for your second shot at Survivor. Before we begin we're going to need to divide you all up into tribes! What are your tribe names? Well, since this is Second Chance Survivor, we decided to bring back some of our losingest tribes back for their own redemption. Starting of course with the losingest tribe of them all:




Ulong! (wearing purple) One of the two starting tribes of Palau, the members of Ulong lost every single immunity challenge they ever attended. Let's see if we can do just a little bit better this time, Ulong.



Fang! (wearing red) One of the first two starting tribes of Gabon, the Fang tribe was started by Gillian, who chose Susie and Crystal for her tribe before ever picking a strong male. Sure enough, the Fang tribe lost over and over again.



Foa Foa! (wearing yellow) One of the first two starting tribes of Samoa, along with a medical evacuation and Russell's constant sabotaging of his own tribe, Foa Foa was down to only 4 original members by the time they finally merged. Plus they experienced some of the worst weather in Survivor hystory.


- no flag image available

Maraamu! (wearing blue since yellow is already taken) One of the first two starting tribes of Marquesas, Maraamu lost several immunities and most of their original tribe before they merged.




Pagong! (wearing orange since yellow is taken) One of the first two starting tribes of the very first Survivor, the term "Pagong" began to be applied to any future Survivor tribe that ended up getting picked off one by one by a stronger or larger tribe at the merge. These original losers set the stage for all future losing tribes to follow. No tribe name needs redemption more than Pagong--except maybe Ulong.




Probst: That's right castaways, I have only 5 buffs in my hands. Hmm, let's see. 5 buffs. 52 players... uh, hmmm.... 5 divides into 52 by....hrmmmm....carry the one... that means...

...2 players will not get their second chance after all!


Just like Wanda Shirk and Jonathon Libby of Palau, two players will be eliminated before the game ever officially gets started. It's time to figure out who those two will be...




Will relationships and alliances from Seasons past come into play with the tribe picking? Would friends and foes be reunited again?






Probst: Alright castaways, you may be standing on the beach now, but, in a cruel twist of fate, two of you will actually NOT be getting your second chance after all. Hope you enjoyed the nifty helicopter ride!

Matt Elrod: Personally, I was praying the entire time that we wouldn't crash.

Probst: Hey Matt? Did I ask for your opinion?

Matt Elrod: Well, uh--no.

Probst: Always been your problem. Well, guys, let's see if the rest of you have learned more than Matt, and shut up for a minute while I--

Bruce Kanegai: Oh God. I think I've gotta pee.

Probst: Excuse me?

Bruce Kanegai: Oh God.

Probst: Are you alright there, Bruce?

Bruce: OH GOD. Nope, it's not pee. I, uh--*FART*--oh, erm, sorry. I guess I--oh god.

Probst: Bruce, you're not looking so good. You're sweating and your face is all flush--

Bruce Kanegai: Oh sweet dear baby jesus, what did I ea--*FARRRRT*--oh hot damn, well, this is awkward. I, uh--oh oh oh--oh god. Gotta *Fart* run, Jeff (he does)

Probst: oooohkay then. Well guys, as I was saying, While the CBS producers were kind enough to fly to you all out here, they decided to leave it up to the viewers as to who ends up on which tribe. It's really all up to them at this poi--

Bruce Kanegai: (heard from the jungle) OHHH GODDDDD! It's--*vomits*--coming out of both sides now!

*The castaways look at each other, blinking*


Bruce Kanegai: (heard from the jungle) OHHH GODDDDD! *vomits* Whhyyyyyyyyyyy?!?!!!

Probst: --so I was saying it's really all up to the viewers as to which tribe you all end up o--

Bruce Kanegai: (heard from the jungle) OHHH GODDDDD! Every orifice! It's coming out of every single orifice! Oh sweet lord, what did I eeeeeeeat?!?!!?!

Probst: --(shouts) SO AS I WAS SAYING IT'S REALLY ALL UP TO THE VIEWERS AT THIS POINT. IT'S THE VIEWERS WHO CHOOSE SO NO BITCHING OUT THE PROUDCERS, OK?

Bruce Kanegai: (heard from the jungle) OHH ohh OHHH! OOOHH! It buuuuuurns!

Probst: -- (Screams) THE VIEWERS ARE CHOOSING!! IS THERE ANYTHING ANYONE WANTS TO SAY IN THEIR DEFENSE BEFORE THE VIEWERS DECIDE?

Kelly Goldsmith: I just want to let the viewers know that if you choose me, I will personally stab Lex through the heart, cut out his intestines, and feed them to my dog.

Probst: Wow, that's a little bit homicidal don't you think, Kell-

Kelly Goldsmith: You know Jeff, you kinda look like Lex.

Probst: What are you talking about, Kelly, I don't look anything like Lex.

Kelly Goldsmith: Well, you piss me off like Lex. Maybe that's what I meant. Either way, don't fuck with me.

Probst: Noted.

Chicken Morris: I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT ALL OF THESE WHIPPER-SNAPPERS CAN KISS MY FARMER'S TANNED ASS. I DON'T CARE WHICH TRIBE I GO TO 'CAUSE I KNOW THEY JUST AIN'T GONNA LIKE ME AND I AIN'T GONNA HELP WITH BUILDING NO DAMN SHELTER NEITHER.

Bruce Kanegai: (heard from the jungle) *quiet wimpers*

Probst: Alright! It sounds like Bruce's episode may be at a reasonable decibel now, so let's take it down a notch, Chicken.

Chicken Morris: Your mother's a whore.

Probst: Delightful. Alright! Let's see how the viewers ranked you! Our first two choices are: Ashley Massaro (for Ulong) and Kelly Goldsmith (for Fang)!

Kelly Goldsmith: I live to violently murder again! Thank you viewers!!! xoxoxox

Ashley Massaro: Badass!

Probst: Badass indeed! This may be the season for women to dominate, as 5 women were 1st chosen to head up each of the tribes. Along with Ashley and Kelly G. we have Christy Smith (for Foa Foa), Christa Hastie (for Maraamu) and Angie Jakusz (for Pagong)!

Angie Jakusz: Yesss! :D

Christa Hastie: (nasally) Yaaay! :D

Christy Smith: What?

Probst: Our next 5 players include both Redemption Duel Dominators, Matt Elrod (for Fang), and Christine Shields-Markoski (for Pagong) and two with idol troubles, Erik Reichenbach (for Foa Foa) and Brendan Synnott (for Maraamu). 3rd place fuck-up Ian Rosenberger lands on Ulong to see what it's like to be on the other side for once.

Ian Rosenberger: Can't wait to fuck it up all over again, Jeff!



one by one each of the players are placed on tribes...




Probst: Alright guys, let's see how these tribes turned out:













Probst: Bruce Kanegai, and Chicken Morris, I'm sorry but both of you will not be returning for your second chance at Survivor.

Chicken Morris: GOOD! I didn't want to play your stupid pansy-ass game anyway.

Probst: Thanks for being a good sport, Chicken. Now get the fuck out. Has anyone seen Bruce?

Russell Swan: Homeboy's not lookin so good. I think he may be dead!

Probst: Ha! Survivor Second Chance and we have our first death! I love statistics, don't you?

Matt Elrod: TOTALLY!

Probst: That was rhetorical, Matt.

Matt Elrod: Yeah man, TOTALLY RADICAL!

Probst: No Matt, not radical, rhetori--never mind. Ulong, Fang, Foa Foa, Maraamu, and Pagong! Congratulations! You've survived the first of many eliminations to come. Good luck on your second quest for the million and remember, the viewers are watching so keep them entertained and maybe you'll outlast the rest to win the title of Ultimate Survivor of Survivor Second Chance! (He tosses the 5 tribes maps) Here's maps to your camps and new homes.



*The 5 tribes take their maps and head off the beach towards their camps*











Ted Rogers Jr.: Wow, last to get picked. There's a kick to the ego. That was close. I get the impression the viewers don't like me that much. This is all Ghandia's fault.

Leslie Nease: Hey! My girl, Jaime from China is here! I always wanted to be on her tribe. I'm going to thoroughly kiss her ass and make sure she keeps me around.

Jaime Dugan: Well, Leslie's a far cry from Erik Huffman, but sometimes a girl just needs her ass kissed.

Phillip Shepard: I'm on a tribe with a bunch of girls, a nerd, a pyro and a rapist. I'll have control over this tribe in no time.

Gina Crews: I'm not thrilled to be on the tribe known for being picked off one by one, but at least I'm not on Maraamu.

Christine Shields-Markoski: Big black dudes and a bunch of badass chicks? I fully expect this tribe to dominate.

Tina Scheer: I just want you all to know that, while I miss my son very much, I have had my time to grieve and I am ready to play this game. To prove it I cut down this tree with my teeth for firewood.

Mike Skupin: Great! Thanks, Tina! Now I can finally build a fire!



ENTIRE PAGONG TRIBE: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Foa Foa:


Kelly B.: Oh holy sweet hell. Mother of god, what did I do to deserve to end up on a tribe with NaOnka again? No, seiously, why?

NaOnka Mixon: Bitch is right to be scared. Imma beat her with that damn leg and laugh about it.

Colleen Haskell: Yippie Skippy! Greggy-poo is here! I can haz snugglez?

Greg Buis: Hey! I found a coconut that looks like a cheezburger!

Colleen Haskell: Om nom nom. lulz.

Erik Reichenbach: Hey, Jason! Wanna walk around the jungle, climb trees, and see who can be most like Ozzy?

Jason Siska: I bet I can hold my breath longer than you

Erik Reichenbach: I'll take that bet! First to pass out loses!

Jason Siska: Ready, Go!

Jane Bright: Hey y'all I made a fah-yer! Come warm yahselves! Yee Haw!

John Kenney: Good thing Skupin's not here to fall in it!
**whole tribe laughs**

Michelle Yi: My plan to is just to lay low and let these idiots take each other out.

Maraamu


Neleh Dennis: Woot! Pappity-pap-paps! Looks like it's you and me together again!

Paschal English: That's nice dear, but I am minutes away from a heart attack. You may want to consider a new father figure this game. Just sayin.

Elisabeth Filarski: Hey Neleh, when Pappy croaks do you wanna maybe get it on? We have to grow up at some point.

Neleh Dennis: Golly Gee! You're right! We should totally bone!

Sarah Jones: Obviously the viewers love me. How could they not? I'm a fucking model! Wait a minute. Are you freaking kidding me? Paschaleh is on my tribe? That's like, so unfair! And WTF?!? I'm on freaking Maraamu again? I can see where this is going...

Ghandia Johnson: No Ted. No Thailanders. No more trouble. This is gonna be a new game for me, I can feel it.

Joe Dowdle: Sheesh. I made so little impact on Tocantins that I was nearly the last picked! I'm going to have to completely reinvent myself to stay in this game. How can I be more interesting to the viewers?

Heidi Strobel: This tribe is ripe with men to seduce. I bet Joe could use a friend...

Brandon Hantz: I saw the way that jezebel, Heidi was looking at me. She thinks she can walk around this beach flashing her girly bits for the world to see. Doesn't she know I'm a married man with a clear desire to hump her? Oh lord, why do you tempt me so?


TREEMAIL:

Now that you are 5 tribes of 10, it's time for you all to compete for immunity!






Probst: Come on in tribes!







Probst: Immunity IS up for grabs. Except, screw this tribal idol crap. Instead, for immunity, this is what you seek:
















Probst: My Emmy. As I was saying, EMMunity IS up for grabs. If your tribe wins emmunity, you are safe from Tribal Council and cannot be eliminated from the game. For today's emmunity challenge, you will be breathing fire. Observe.




Probst: Simple, right? The first two tribes who figure out how to do it will win immunity. Ya know--come to think of it. This might have been the perfect challenge for Bruce... SURVIVORS READY? GO!





Ulong is out to an early lead thanks to the leadership of Ryan...



Ryan Shoulders: GUYS! I know how we can get a fire started. Boo, you got any booze hidden in your overalls?

Boo Bernis: Always!

Ryan Shoulders: Toss it to me


Boo attempts to toss Ryan his booze but he drops it, because he is accident prone.



Ryan Shoulders: Oh Boo! You're so accident prone!

Boo Bernis: This make Boo sad.

Ryan Shoulders: Hey crazy Jan! You're drunk right?

Jan Gentry: *Hic* Yup.

Ryan Shoulders: Now if we can get a fire going this just might work. Ashley! Lindsey! Rub up against each other and try to get a flame going.

Lindsey Richter: OKAY!

Ashley Massaro: You know that won't work right?

Ryan Shoulders: Yes. But it would be hot. Ba-dum-CHING! Rafe! You're a flamer. Can't you make fire?

Rafe Judkins: I'd be offended if it weren't true, but, as a matter of fact, due to the combination of being both a fire crotch and a flamer, I can actually ignite my own skin on fire, just like the Human Torch!



FLAME ON!


At that moment, Rafe ignites in a burst of flame! Ryan grabs Jan, points her in Rafe's direction, and gently burps Gentry.



Jan Gentry: *Berp--vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!*

Probst: FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SURVIVOR HISTORY, ULONG WINS IMMUNITY!!!





It wasn't long before Maraamu's Christa saw what was going on over at Ulong...


Christa Hastie: (nasally) Before Survivor I partied it up like crazy, and, yes, I brought a little fire water on this excursion with me as well. All we need is some fire...

Brandon Hantz: Stop tempting me you jezebel!

Christa Hastie: (nasally) Brandon, what are you talking about?

Brandon Hantz: I may be short, but I know you saw me get a semi when you mentioned getting drunk and naked. You KNOW I'm a married man!

Christa Hastie: (nasally) When did I say anything about getting naked? You are a freakin head case.

Brandon Hantz: You all heard her say she wanted to get drunk and give me head right? RIGHT?!?

Heidi Strobel: I'm not sure if this will benefit the tribe or not but I'm going to bare my breasts anyway.

*Heidi exposes her breasts*


Joe Dowdle: Woah! Nice :D

Sarah Jones: You're not the only one on the tribe with perky breasts, Heidi.

*Sarah exposes her breasts as well*


Joe Dowdle: Aah-oooga!

Heidi Strobel: Boobies in your face! Boobies in your face! *giggles*

Elisabeth Filarski: *sigh* neither of you will have a career beyond Playboy. But, as I always say, if you can't beat em, join em.

*Elisabeth exposes her breasts*


Brandon Hantz: AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH

Brendan Synnott: BRANDON! The goal is to make fire, not--whatever it is you just did. Jesus I hope they don't vote me out by misspelling your name.

Ghandia Johnson: Oh My God! It's happening again! I'm going to be raped on Survivor, AGAIN!

Neleh Dennis: Oh my heck Paschal! Do you SEE what a dirty slut Heidi is being?

Paschal English: Shameful.

Neleh Dennis: Maybe Brandon was right...







Jane Bright: Hey y'all! Ah can make a fah-yer out of chewing gum and a hearing aid! Yee haw!
takes the gum she's been chewing out of her mouth and hands it to Jane. Then pushes over Kelly Bruno...
NaOnka Mixon: Hahahaha! Jane, you crazy old coot, if you need some fuel for yo "fah-yer" I know where we can get it.

Kelly Bruno: HEY! fucking bitch.

Michelle Yi: Christy! Give Jane your hearing aid!

Christy Smith: What?

Michelle Yi: YOUR HEARING AID!

Christy Smith: Oh sure. Here you go.

Jane Bright: We just need some booze now, y'all! Yee haw!

NaOnka Mixon: Calm yo ass down, Jane. I got this.

NaOnka kicks up som dust in Probst's eyes, then goes and gives Christa a beat-down, and steals her booze.


NaOnka Mixon: Quick, Jane! Do it!

Jane take the chewing gum and hearing aid and then turns and looks directly at the sun. Her eyes begin to glow, dark clouds gather above, and lightning strikes Jane where she stands. While Jane is being electrocuted, NaOnka takes a big swig of Christa's booze and spits. In a cataclysmic explosion of flame, Foa Foa snags immunity.


Probst: FOA FOA WINS IMMUNITY!!!



- Embraces carrying Ryan and Jan on the shoulders of Erik and Boo

- Is screaming and laughing with joy...except for Christy


Christy Smith: What happened? Did we win?

Probst: You won, Christy.

Christy Smith: What?

Probst: Never mind. Anyway, I have a twist! In addition to winning immunity, you WILL be granting safety to one player on EACH of the LOSING tribes to go to EXILE. These players WILL NOT return until later in the game, when your 5 tribes merge into 4. But that is for later. Ulong, and Foa Foa, who will you be sending?

Kelly Bruno: I'd like to send Chad from Fang to exile. I'd like to think he'd do the same for me...



Chad Crittendon: You know I would.

Erik Cardona: I'd like to save Gina on Pagong. She got a bum rap her first time and I'd like to see her outlast this cursed tribe.

Gina Crews: Wow! Thanks Erik!

Erik Cardona: *winks*

Gina Crews: *swoon*

Probst: Alright, enough you obvious showmance. Gina and Chad are going to exile. Who's going for Maraamu?

NaOnka Mixon: Imma send Christa. It's the least I can do for that beat down I gave her.

Probst: I beg your pardon?

NaOnka Mixon: Oh nuffin Jeff.

Probst: Alright then, Christa, Chad, and Gina are off to Exile. They will not be at the challenges. They will not be voting at council. They will not be receiving votes. You will not see them again until your 5 tribes merge into 4. Congrats you three. You get a golden ticket out of this mess for the next few rounds!


Chad Crittendon, Christa Hastie, Gina Crews: BYE EVERYONE! SEE YOU ALL LATER!!!

Fang returns to their camp, defeated, and disappointed to be attending council.


Russell Swan: Yo yo yo, dawgs. I'm mad bummed we lost the challenge yo but we need to get this tribe togetha.

Marcus Lehman: I agree, we didn't perform our best today.

Jessie Camacho: We'll be better tomorrow, for today, I suggest we work on our tans.

Russell Swan: Yeah, maybe you're right, Jessie.

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Ugh! I can't take these lazy people! They sit around and do nothing all day. Matt, what do you think?

Matt Elrod: I think it's in my best interests to stay away from beautiful girls this time. They are dangerous.

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Exactly. Hey, wait. Wouldn't that make ME dangerous too?

Matt Elrod: Oh yeah, totally.

Jenny Guzon-Bae: (to herself) That bitch has got to go.

Jessie Camacho: Matt! Come tan with me on the beach! I want to stare at your body.

Matt Elrod: Ok!

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Grrr.

Jessie Camacho: Matt, I think you're a really great guy, and I know you would tell me if I was on the chopping block, right?

Matt Elrod: I think you're really great, too, Jessie! But no! You're fine! I mean, it's not like Jenny wants to vote you out or anything.

Jessie Camacho: Guh! That bitch!

Matt Elrod: fuck.

Jessie Camacho: Russell I need your help. Jenny is trying to get me out! And who would you rather go all the way with? Me or her?

Russell Swan: You. Obvs.

Jessie Camacho: Oh thank you Russy-pie! Think we can get anyone else?

Russell Swan: My brotha Shane enjoys a nice pair. You should talk to him.

Jessie Camacho: Shane, Jenny is trying to get me out, but personally I think I am WAY stronger than her! I haven't thrown up ONCE since we got here!

Shane Powers: *inhales cigarette slowly* Ahhh. That's good shit.

Jessie Camacho: Shane, pay attention! Jenny. Out. Yes?

Shane Powers: for sure. It makes sense to keep the tribe strong. Then again, what do I know about sense? *laughs maniacally*

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Matt! Jessie is running all over camp trying to sway the guys. Did you tell her something?

Matt Elrod: No! I swear!

Jenny Guzon-Bae: To God?

Matt Elrod: Look, don't go there.

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Whatever. Just vote fucking Jessie.

Matt Elrod: Yes ma'am...

Russell Swan: Marcus, everyone is voting out Jenny, you on board?

Marcus Lehman: Jenny? Why Jenny?

Russell Swan: Marcus, everyone is voting out Jenny, now either you're with me or you're against me. So which is it?

Marcus Lehman: First of all I think it was the other Russell that said that--

Russell Swan: Are you with me or are you against me, Marcus?

Marcus Lehman: I'm against you Russell.

Flicka: Russell, you're scaring me. Are you ok?

Jeff Varner: Yeah, Russell, where is this coming from?

Russell Swan: Idk y'all. I'm feelin' woozy. Someone pass me a coconut.

Kelly Goldsmith: I don't know what the hell is going on with my tribe right now but everyone is running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Russell's been going cuckoo and the girls have been at each other's throats. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to get this skinny girl ahead, and if it means taking out a big weirdo like Russell, so be it...





Maraamu returns from the challenge after a narrow loss...


Heidi Strobel: It really sucks we lost the challenge guys. I hope you all know I tried my best. I'm going to walk away into the jungle and collect firewood. Feel free to talk about me while I'm gone!

Joe Dowdle: I'll, uh. I'll come too.

*Heidi marches off into the jungle with Joe to collect firewood*


Brandon Hantz: Look, y'all I just want to be straight up and let you all know I'm voting for Heidi tonight. She's a harlot and a whore and if I don't get to squeeze her perfect breasts then I don't want her around.

Sarah Jones: Oh Em Gee! I am so sick of hearing about how perfect Heidi's breasts are. I don't see how it's even possible that this dumb blonde is overshadowing me. *sob* Ugh. I'm going down to the beach to get my head together.

Elisabeth Filarski: Heidi may be a slut but at least she works. Sarah doesn't do anything around here but lay on the beach and reapply her beauty mark. You'd think you'd have learned your lesson the first time honey. There's no Rob Mariano to protect you here.

Neleh Dennis: Pappy, I think this is our chance to get rid of Heidi. We can use Brandon this round for one. Something tells me Sarah is on board too, and, even though I think she's a dumb bitch, there is strength in numbers and we have a Marquesan advantage here we'd be fools not to take advantage of.

Paschal English: I think you're onto something, Neleh. I'll hobble on down to the beach and have a chat with Cleopatra.

*meanwhile, in the jungle...*


Heidi Strobel: Look Joe. I may come off dumb, but that's all an act. I think it makes the most sense right now to break up Paschal and Neleh, don't you? Besides the two of them are impossibly close, and I just can't put up with Neleh's wholesomeness or Pappy's judgmentalism.

Joe Dowdle: I dunno Heidi...

Heidi Strobel: Hey Joe look at my boobies!

*she flashes Joe*


Joe Dowdle: I'll do whatever you say! I am under the control of the boobies. Your every wish is my command.

Heidi Strobel: Good. Vote out Neleh. Those two need to be broken up before it's too late.

*about 3 hours later, Paschal finally makes it down to the beach*


Paschal English: (wheezing) Sar-- *wheeze* --Sarah. *Cough*

Sarah Jones: Ugh. What do you want old man?

Paschal English: (wheezing) *cough* sor-- sorry. I need a-- *loooooong wheeeeeeeeze* minute.

*Meanwhile around the fire...*


Brandon Hantz: Ghandia, I think you are a hard worker and a trustworthy individual. I think we should work together in this game.

Ghandia Johnson: I don't THINK so little Hantz.

Brandon Hantz: But, Ghandia. You're the only chick here I don't want to bone.

Ghandia Johnson: Just stay the hell away from me! I only do what the voices in my head tell me...

*1 hour later*


Sarah Jones: Paschal, wake up.

Paschal English: (startled) Huh?! What?!?

Sarah Jones: You fell asleep. The sun is going down, we're about to go to council, and you had something to say to me.

Paschal English: Oh. Yes. Sarah, I just want you to know that I think your breasts are the perkiest most perfect breasts I've ever seen. And I'm 135.

Sarah Jones: *blinks*

Paschal English: Yes. It's true. They're plastic perfection.

Sarah Jones: Oh Em Gee, THANK YOU, Paschal!

Paschal English: That's all. (he begins to walk away and then stops and slowly turns around) Oh, just one more thing, Sarah.

Sarah Jones: Yes?

Paschal English: Let's put the past behind us and move forward together. Vote for Heidi tonight.

Sarah Jones: Ok!

Paschal English: Oh and Sarah, just one more thing?

Sarah Jones: Yes?

Paschal English: Can you carry me back to camp? Otherwise we're going to be here all night.









Pagong returns from the challenge...



Christine Shields-Markoski: I should have known better than to say this tribe would dominate. Clearly I should just not speak. Whatever I say the opposite happens.

Tina Scheer: I'm sorry everyone. I quit drinking after my son passed and haven't drank a drop since. Gave up smoking too. I was useless at that challenge.

Ted Williams Jr. If you cry yourself to sleep at night, Tina, I want you to know, I'll be right behind you...

Tina Scheer: *shudders*

Leslie Nease: Hey Angie, I wanted to have a talk with you.

Angie Jakusz: Sure, what's up, Leslie?

Leslie Nease: I noticed one of your tattoos during the challenge and I just wanted to let you know it offends me.

Angie Jakusz: I beg your pardon?

Leslie Nease: One of your tats. It goes against my beliefs.

Angie Jakusz: What do you mean? Which one?

Leslie Nease: Oh Angie does it really matter?! I'm offended and I don't want anything to do with it

Angie Jakusz: Um, Leslie, you understand how tattoos work right? They don't come off. Sorry if they offend you.

Leslie Nease: Ugh! That is so insensitive!

Kenny Hoang: Christine, what are you thinking for the vote?

Christine Shields-Markoski: Not sure yet big guy. Why?

Kenny Hoang: I think it's obvious that Leslie isn't fitting in with this tribe. I don't even think she's getting along with Jaime, the only person on this tribe she might have made a previous connection with. I think we should take advantage of that and take out Leslie before they become all buddy-buddy again.

Christine Shields-Markoski: If you ask me, it's you we need to worry about. You're the mastermind around here. I can tell you that because you're only a temporary player.

Kenny Hoang: Interesting choice of words Christine...

Angie Jakusz: *sobs*

Jaime Dugan: You okay, Angie?

Angie Jakusz: My tattoos are an expression of myself. I don't understand how they could offend Leslie. Even if I did, it was still rude of her to approach me like that.

Jaime Dugan: I agree Angie. I don't like who she is this time around. It seems like she's trying too hard.

Angie Jakusz: Yeah. I know she was like your friend in China...

Jaime Dugan: You can stop right there, Angie. I don't see a future with Leslie in this game. But I think you and I could go far. What do you think? You me and Kenny? Final 3?

Angie Jakusz: Kenny? You sure? He's pretty smart...

Jaime Dugan: Don't you worry about Kenny. I'll have him wrapped around my finger in no time.

Angie Jakusz: Alright. Let's do it. You, me, and Kenny.

*Meanwhile at the fire...*


Phillip Shepard: Sunofa-- Alright! Which one of you dirty thieving crooks double dipped the rice?

Mike Skupin: Phillip, nobody double-dipped anything.

Phillip Shepard: LIAR! It was YOU wasn't it.

Mike Skupin: No, I--

Phillip Shepard: You double-scooped! Skupin was the scooper! SKUPIN WAS THE SCOOPER!

Mike Skupin: What? That's ridiculous--

Phillip Shepard: Good tribespeople! There is a mole amongst us! A cancer which means to destroy us from within!

Leslie: Nease: Gotta love Phillip. Hopefully his outburst gets me past this Tribal Council...

Ted Williams Jr: So Leslie, I hear you could use a friend. Wanna cuddle with me tonight and we can talk it over?

Leslie: Nease: Ew. Ted. Get away from me. Ew.

Ted Williams Jr: Pfff. You think you can fluff off Ted Williams Jr. THAT easily? *sigh* Almost makes me miss Ghandia...













Probst: Well guys, this has been a long-ass episode so how's about we just get to the votes? Flicka, you're up:

Flicka: My vote is for Russell. He passed out from dehydration at a challenge once, and I've been seeing him going a little nutty on the coconut water. I just don't think he has it in him to go all the way.

Jeff Varner: Russell... never liked him, his dreadlocks stink!

Jenny Guzon-Bae: Jessie, your laziness around camp has not left a good first impression on me!

Jessie Camacho: I'm voting for Jenny because I heard rumors that she is voting for me and I don't think it's fair. Sure, in Africa I got sick because there was no ocean for me to slip into a bathing suit and wade into. Samoa was made for my curves and I think there are others on this tribe who agree. I just hope the alliance I formed just before Council sticks to the plan...

Kelly Goldsmith: I'm in an alliance, and that alliance doesn't want you around RUSSELL

Marcus Lehman: I'm voting RUSSELL, He thinks he is in charge here but it is all me

Matt Elrod: I'm voting JESSIE, she think's she is all that but really she is just a spare.

Russell Swan: My vote is for JENNY. I'd prefer to keep my tribe strong, and my girl Jessie promised to go all the way if I voted with her. Mmmm, going all the way with Jessie... (faints at podium)

Shane Powers: JENNY we need a strong tribe

*Probst tallies the votes*


Probst: That's 2 votes Jessie, 3 votes Jenny and 4 votes Russell. That means Russell, you need to bring me your torch.

Russell Swan: Aw man. Ain't that a bitch.

Probst: Russell, the tribe has spoken





- TRIBAL COUNCIL -







Probst: Well guys, as I told Fang, this has been a long-ass episode so how's about we just get to the vo--

Brandon Hantz: Jeff! Can I say something?




Brandon Hantz: I want you all to know I'm voting for Heidi tonight and I think you should all do the same.

Probst: Thanks for keeping it interesting, Brandon. Brendan, you're up:

Brendan Synnott: My vote is for Brandon, he is just way too much of a loose cannon, can't have that around

Elisabeth Filarski: SARAH, you don't seem to want to be a part of this tribe. Plus, its a little Marquesas heavy

Brandon Hantz: My vote is for Heidi, cause she gives me thoughts of lust, and the good lord knows i'm faithful to my wife and is only making me feel those thoughts of lust so that I get rid of her first. She's nothing a blonde harlot and the rest of my tribe are just under her influence, I'm gonna send mental images to my tribemates so they know to vote for her - just like the good lord wanted - praise Jesus... I'm trying to be good... Russell's my uncle... You may call me loco, but it's a constant battle, you don't understand *cries*

Ghandia Johnson: My vote is for HEIDI. I don't know why but I suddenly got a mental image of her...

Heidi Strobel: My vote is for Neleh. You know we need to seperate her and Pappy. Besides, me and Elisabeth can be the only cute blonde chicks on this tribe!!

Joe Dowdle: I'm voting for Neleh, she's gotten far enough in this game before! Plus she smiles too much.

Neleh Dennis: HEIDI, oh my heck!!

Paschal English: Heidi, gotta stick with sweet Neleh, therefore you gotta go

Sarah Jones: Sorry HEIDI. This tribe is only big enough for one perfect pair of breasts. Muah

*Probst tallies the votes*


Probst: That's 1 vote Brandon, 1 vote Sarah, 2 votes Neleh and 5 votes Heidi. That means Heidi, you need to bring me your torch.

Heidi Strobel: One last boobie shot before I go?

Probst: Heidi, the tribe has spoken





- TRIBAL COUNCIL -






Probst: Well guys, as I told Fang and Maraamu, this has been a long-ass episode so how's about we just get to the votes? Angie, you're up:

Angie Jakusz: LESLIE and I had a spat over my tats. She doesn't understand me. She's getting my vote.

Christine Shields-Markoski: I'm gonna vote Kenny... he was too much of a mastermind and makes me nervous. No need to be scared in my own tribe, so I want him gone!

Jaime Dugan: You're crazy, LESLIE.

Kenny Hoang: LESLIE, You're not as hot as Jaime and that's why I'm sticking with her.

Leslie Nease: I'm voting for the womaniser Ted... I don't want him getting up on me like he did Ghandia

Mike Skupin: I'm voting for PHILLIP. He's a loose cannon.

Phillip Shepard: I'm voting for Lesby. I mean Leslye. I'm sorry, I have dry mouth. I take medicine for it. Leslie.

Ted Williams Jr.: WWGD: What would Ghandia do? I can't wait to be re-united at the merge. I vote LESLIE.

Tina Scheer: I'm voting for TED. He's creepy and frankly, I'm afraid to go to sleep.





*Probst tallies the votes*


Probst: That's 1 vote Phillip, 1 vote Kenny, 2 votes Ted, and 5 votes Leslie. That means Leslie, you need to bring me your torch.

Leslie Nease: I can't believe Jaime betrayed me. That totally offends me!

Probst: Leslie, the tribe has spoken








Players Exiled this episode:





Players eliminated this episode:

hehe very cool and entertaining!

Thanks for reading, Sean! I appreciate it! :D

I had fun doing it. I like doing it, and I would be willing to keep doing it, but only if its worth it. In other words, someone is reading it besides just you and me. Otherwise it takes way too much time...

I really enjoyed reading that, great job! Will keep reading for sure if you keep going with it. Enjoying this game so far

Thanks Pete! :D Glad you're enjoying it and thanks for participating!!!