Round 14

I wanted to call Kenya out just so people knew what happened. I'm not mad at her and don't want to portray it as I am. I just want the truth to be known about what she's doing and what happened at that tribal council.

FINAL THREE WITH CAM AND KENYA! This is perfect. Except it's about to get really ugly between me and Kenya.

So when are we doing the Rite of Passage?

So now Kenya thinks I hate her, which is not true at all, but thinking about it, why am I now wanting to bring Cam to the final 2 rather than her? This is an interesting question and one that I need to think over so that if I do end up final 2, I can justify it to the jury. But right now, Kenya and I have heads in completely different directions, and neither of us is making any sense to the other.

I still think I can work it so that either Cam or Kenya takes me if they win, more so Kenya than Cam, but I'd rather win it myself for the security. It's going to be a complete crapshoot at final two though for the winner. I'll do my best, but nothing's ever certain.

Kenya's having a breakdown, as expected. I feel horrible because I consider myself a good person. But what am I really supposed to do? I make decisions morally justifiable in the best context of a game, at least this game I have. I still haven't even said anything about who I'm taking to the final two.

Apparently I need lessons with how Kenya's mind works because quite frankly, I did a horrible job of justifying to her what my philosophy this game has been. Again, I was completely undecided about final 2 but was leaning towards Cam but didn't know for certain what I'd do and I guess because she put so much on the line to help me and work with me, she's incredibly hurt by that. Sorry.

She might quit now, but I hope she stays in it for the good of the game. But if she wants to quit because she's so hurt, then I won't stop her. Clearly I've failed to comfort her enough. I keep saying that I'm just playing a game and ultimately, I'm fine finishing 3rd, 2nd, 1st. It doesn't completely matter, but I'm trying my best to utilize angles in the game to go as far as possible and have the best chance of winning. I'm not manipulating her friendship for the sake of the game. She's just a player in the game like anyone else, and I make decisions how I see best fit to make them. It has nothing to do with our out-of-game relationship, which was growing strong, and now appears to have been ruined for reasons I still don't completely grasp.

Kenya and I are having some good discussions and working this out. I still feel like I'm in the right, morally justifiably, and don't completely appreciate her "lessons" on how this game should be played. More so than arguing, however, I am just basically doing what needs to be done so that she feels better because she was really hurt when she realized I wasn't completely open with her and had considered taking Cam to the final two.

Ugh. My enthusiasm for this game has somewhat diminished as I now feel like I can't do or say anything without Kenya's approval to make sure what I do meets her moral standards. What frustrates me the most is her "lessons" like I'll learn certain things if I play enough games and then can understand what she's trying to tell me. I'm not close-minded enough to say that she's definitely wrong, but I am leaning that direction as I feel like I just have a fundamentally different philosophy concerning games and the fact that she's insisting I follow hers or our friendship will be lost and she'll quit the game just frustrates me. I respect her strategy and her way of playing games, it's fair. I think mine deserves respect also. I'm not viciously manipulating her or betraying her, and I'd have probably thought through it and brought her to the final 2 anyway if I won the last challenge. Even if she's driving me somewhat insane, that's the decision I probably would have made.

I'm just looking to play a game for fun, not completely caring where I end up but trying my best, and coming up with a good strategy. If my best ally blindsides me, I'll laugh and move on. I feel like if I have to keep talking to her about what I'm doing and making sure it meets her standards, it saps a lot of my enthusiasm away. For instance, if I'm up against her in the final tribal council, I don't know if I'll even be able to make effective arguments on why I deserve to win this game more than her without hurting her feelings. It just makes me almost want to sacrifice what I've done and finish 3rd. Because if I take Cam to the final 2, she'll never forgive me and has threatened to turn the jury against me and guarantee that I'll lose. I'm not entirely sure she could actually do that, but still, it's just ugh, ugh, ugh. I just want the fun factor to return. I don't want to sit against her at final tribal council and be all nice and respectful, not even trying to win and probably losing because I've been planning to base my argument for why I deserve to win on what I did better than the player next to me. I just feel like she's taking certain parts of the game that should be fun away for me and turning this more into "prioritize friendships" than Survivor. I have no problem if she does that; I just don't want to have those ideas forced into my head like they're policies that everyone should follow or they're "crossing a line."

We've also basically agreed that Cam this game has had very little individual influence and that his moves have been largely based on the two of us manipulating him to do certain things, so either of us should beat him if we're against him final two. Now THAT is something I agree with, and I think the jury would also. But who knows. Right now, there is this perception that he's a strong, leadership figure and running the show, and I don't think that's very true at all. Not to say he's played a bad game, but he hasn't been the main influence that he is perceived to be.

Here goes nothing. With all that's gone down, Kenya and I have agreed to take each other. I haven't even talked to Cam, so he probably won't take me. Kenya may also choose not to take me for some revenge kick since I hurt her. Who knows.

I'm prepared for anything, especially the worst. I'm kind of prepared for this, could be better, but who really knows.

I won immunity, so now I get to decide the fate of this game. For me, giving up immunity is a legit possibility. I'm thinking about it.

Okay, the feelings of stepping out have gone away! I'm going to be final 2 with a chance of making my name go green and becoming a winner, and that's why I signed up to do this. If I lose motivation to win, then I might as well step out. But I'm starting to get that motivation back. I made some mistakes this round and this game, but nothing's irreversible, and I can STILL win this game. And even if I do lose, I feel like Kenya strategically and socially has played a potentially winning game whereas I do not feel the same way about Cam.

Now I'm about 90% sure I'm taking Kenya to the end, and I'm working on building up an argument so that it places me as the most deserving winner and justifies my decision to Cam.

Quote :

Hi, everyone. At the start of the game, I honestly didn’t expect to make it here because this was my first ORG Planet game and I didn’t have relationships with most of the cast, so I feared there would be pre-game alliances at work. I’m thrilled that I was wrong and made it this far.

The first night of the game, I approached Kenya about working together (based on a pre-game relationship because I figured that they were scattered through the game and didn't want to be at a disadvantage), and she had a relationship with Bryan, so the three of us agreed to work together and look out for each other early in the game. Cam and I bonded well in the early challenges. Since Cam was the most active member of the Snozzwanger Tribe not already with us, my three added him and formed a concrete final 4 alliance after the 4 of us did the most in the first challenge. Pete would have been my ideal 5th, but that didn’t work out because Pete was away and had pre-voted Deetster, Kenya didn’t want to vote Deetster yet, and we didn’t know how Bryan was voting. So Cam and I decided to vote Pete because he was going home with 4/8 votes anyway and we didn’t want to alert Deetster he was in danger.

The early game went relatively smooth. By the time we merged, I realized that there was a legit possibility of actually having our final 4 alliance in the final 4. At that point, I feared that Kenya and Bryan would pair up at final 4 and go to the final 2 together, so I warned Cam about them, and offered him a final 2 deal for security. Since I talked to Kenya more than anyone about strategy (if not on AIM, we’d exchange PMs over the night), I felt it was most fair to take out Bryan at final 4 because he didn’t seem completely into the game, and the two of us were losing touch with one another. That would put me final 2 with my two closest allies, Cam and Kenya. Even if I would lose the final challenge, I felt like both of them would take me to the final 2 because I made them think I was closest to both of them and would do the same.

I chose to bring Kenya with me to the final 2 because I talked more to her than Cam (even though I did talk to Cam extensively, especially in challenges) and we figured out plans strategically before telling anyone else. After the tribe swap, she kept me informed about the alliances that she was making to help her and Cam survive (I knew that she was aligning with Cory, Deetster, and Sadie in separate alliances to target Travis before she told Cam), and I kept her informed about what was going on with my new tribe and Alex’s fake conversations that were an attempt to break me, Bryan, and Pete apart. Granted, I didn’t make any big moves that radically influenced the game, but I was never in a vulnerable position where I had to make the moves. I was comfortable with attaching myself to Cam and Kenya, finding out what they wanted to do and making sure it worked in my favor, and doing what I could to help hold them together because there were points when there was tension such as when Kenya wanted to keep Deetster, Cam wanted him gone, and they were getting frustrated with one another. I tried to be the calm one in the center. I enjoyed talking to other players and did so as much as possible in case there would be twists or glass elevator prizes that put me in a vulnerable position, but I never had any plans of betraying my original alliance.

This has been stressful at points, but ultimately, I’ve enjoyed this game a lot. Feel free to ask me anything. I’ll do my best to answer honestly and hope that my answers help convince you that I am most fit for that unlimited supply of chocolate!

That's my initial introduction. I have to take Kenya here, I know, and it's quite clear now that I have an open mind. It's not about wanting to win, it's about what is right.

Quote :

I needed some time alone to think about this. My head was unclear after the challenge because I had explicitly promised you and Kenya final 2 multiple times but hadn't fully decided what I'd do when the time came. I might have been able to lose the challenge and make it to the final 2 either way, but for the 100% safety cushion, I had to win it myself.

What I need to make this decision on is who I've been closest with and talked to the most during the game. Surprisingly, that HAS been Kenya as we aligned the first night of the game and talked almost every day. If we couldn't talk live, we'd exchange long, detailed PM's. We talked extensively early in the game and decided together to bring you into the final 4 alliance, talked during the swap about the happenings and agreed that taking Travis out first was a good move before she had a chance to talk to you about it, and she let me know about the other alliances that you guys formed with Cory, Deet, and Sadie as they were happening. She wasn't aware of quite how close we were, but we talked about moves that would best appease you and help keep you with us like voting Deetster out at final 6 and so forth.

What she was mad with me about recently was that I lied to her about wanting Bryan in the final 3, but I felt like getting you with me by offering you a final 2 was necessary to split them and take out Bryan final 4. I didn't fully appreciate her threats or emotional perspective, but I realize that she was just upset with me because I had been playing her a little, and we have now made up. It's your turn to be mad at me now for playing you and leading you on.

This has nothing to do with Kenya's threats or who I think I can most easily beat. It's about honoring my truest alliance. I haven't officially posted my decision, so if you want to talk tomorrow, I'll try to be online. Sorry.

I sent that PM to Cam. I feel a little bad, but I do know that he was faking a bond and relationship to some extent for strategic reasons. I liked him and still like him, but I don't think he likes me as much in return or that I'll get his jury vote. I actually may lose this in a horrible landslide.

I'm just happy that I feel good again about the world. I am very excited about final tribal council against Kenya. I don't plan on holding back, but I'm also not going to push it to too far of an extreme.

I figure if Bryan, Cam, and Deetster vote for her like she expects, I may already be screwed because 1 of Cory, Kyle, Pete, and Sadie probably will as well. I need to do a really good job if I'm going to win.