When it rains, it pours

hey everyone,

so lately I've been having a great time with this guy I met named Ethan. He is really great and I really like spending time with him. Everything is great on that front so I have one good thing going on right now

but, there is a lot of bad things that I'm dealing with and two of them I just got the news for today and I'm really upset about it and just wanted to share it cause I just need to.

First off on my mom's side of the family things have been hard for this past year. Last summer my uncle (and my grandfathers twin brother) passed away. This was easily the first funeral and wake I've ever gone to that I remember.

Also, last summer another uncle (and the husband of my grandmothers older sister) got really sick. He is never going to recover, that much is known but he was in the hospital from June of last year until January of this year. He moved back home cause he wanted to be home instead of in a hospital. My understanding is that it is just a matter of time.

and now my grandmother, also one of the people in my family I'm closest with, has been diagnosed with lung cancer. She just last year reached the five year mark of being without cancer and now she has it again. She previously had throat cancer. We just found out about this today.

Then on my dad's side of the family, my grandfather has been sick since November of last year and he's been in the hospital since as well. Just found out today that he is not coming home most likely ever. He is in a nursing home now and my dad told me that he isn't looking good.

On top of all this, everyone feels that once we lose my uncle, my aunt will probably not last long afterwards, they've been married for over 50 years. She hasn't been doing too great herself throughout all of this. Then with my grandfather, everyone feels the same about my grandmother, they have also been married for over 50 years. Then of course my grandmother with cancer, my grandfather struggled with her having cancer the first time and with him losing his brother last year this really scares me.

lastly, in December of 2009 I found out that I had a birth defect with my heart that caused it to race upwards of 200 beats per second, which is very dangerous. I had surgery and was told there was only a 10% chance it could ever come back. I need to have more test done but my doctor thinks it may be back.

I just want things to turn around

Pete, stay strong dear. Your family has a lot of things that are going on and I will pray for all of you to remain strong. I will most certainly keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry hon.

thank you Mandie, I'm definitely gonna try and remain strong through this but its hard. Just when it seems things are somewhat turning around it all hits again.

I feel for you Pete, you have my deepest sympathy. Unfortunately, such is life. Hardships are part of it, but it is this resistance, these challenges, that make us strong, they give us our values, and without them, there would be nothing good or wonderful about life. I know it is hard and unpleasant to accept, but be strong, Pete, and keep in mind the many things and people you love and care for, and those who return the love. These are the important parts. Much love, Pete.

I know it's not easy sweetheart. Especially when you have relatives who are sick. You want to help, you want to do something but in reality, there isnt much you can do. You have to focus on the memories that make you smile. Remember all the good things, and know that people are praying for you.

you are both right, and I will definitely keep that in mind. The hardest part of this all is due to my heart. I've been having a lot of chest pains in the last few months and my heart rate has been elevated. We're not sure if it is due to the defect or cause of something else. I'm scared of that, but theres nothing I can do until I see the cardiologist which on Monday I'll be making an appointment for.

Am hoping for the best of course and will try and spend as much time with my family as I can. Which is really all I can do and I know that.

to make u smile

here's some stuff

my personal favorites cupchinono and plemmot babber am jemmy

Stay away from Stress Pete. Try not to let anything Stress you out. When you start to feel overwhelmed, stop what you are doing and change your focus. Take care of #1. (thats you). Nothing is more important than your health.

I'm gonna try and not stressed myself too much. Gonna spend time with Ethan this weekend but tonight I'm cleaning and reorganizing my room (it's something I need to get done). Then I'm gonna watch TV, play video games and relax for the rest of the night.

Thian, those were really funny, I did smile, thank you

Right on!! if you need some other stuff I got a whole internet for you to look at :D

the bad news just doesn't stop.

Yesterday we got news that someone married to a cousin committed suicide. Their wedding was last year though they have been together since like the '80's. My facebook profile pic is from their wedding reception.

and then this morning got even worse news. My grandmothers cancer is a lot worse than originally thought. It is in multiple places, including her brain and the doctors say she has a 30 to 50% chance of surviving. I'm praying for the best but I'm crushed right now with everything that has been going on.

I'm trying to just focus on me but its hard with all this bad news.

Sorry for posting about it here, just wanted to say it, it helps to talk about it...

So sorry to hear about the suicide and the cancer worsening. Thoughts and prayers for your grandma. For everything bad, there's something good, so hang in there buddy.

awww Pete, Im so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug right now.

I'm definitely hanging in here but its difficult. I just wanna lay down and stop dealing with everything but I can't and that's not the best way to deal with it anyways. I'm just really hoping that tomorrow we get good news on something, rather than bad news again.

It sounds like to me, that your man needs to take you out for a night on the town. You need to get away from your worries, and have a little fun. Maybe a dinner and a movie, or go to a hot club, the gay clubs in dallas have hot guys dancing in their underwear on poles. LOL thats what you need, a night out on the town with your man.

that does sound like a good time Mandie, when I first got news of everything last week he brought me to New York City for the first time ever. It was a lot of fun, though I chickened out on going to the top of the Empire State Building. I'm not gonna see him tonight but tomorrow we are gonna hang out, don't know what we are gonna do but yeah I can't wait, it'll be nice to just have fun.

I feel like I've done a lot of complaining today, its just been a very stressful day and with all the bad news its been a bit hard to process it all. in a little I'm gonna watch So You Think You Can Dance and then read for a while.

Thats it. Just relax.