Next up: Pedophilia

Sylvia is trying to get me arrested. Seriously. Her mom told me she reminds her of Stewie in Family Guy, and I see what she means now.

I was in public today with her, and she suddenly yelled out "JESSICA IS BEING NAUGHTY TO ME AND LILIAN! ...... JESSICA, DON'T KILL ME!" Then she screamed and bolted. I finally caught her, and she giggled and said "That was funny!"

She's not even three yet, so a cop would totally not think she capable of joking, and arrest me.

Someday you're going to run out of ridiculous thread names, and then what? THEN WHAT?

Jess' adventures in England ladies and gentlemen!

WHAT IS SYLVIA'S PROBLEM!?

K, she shares a room with Lilian, and every night, climbs into her crib. Her dad will yell at her for it, her mom will yell at her for it, I will yell at her for it, and she just keeps doing it. She's been punished for it, and we often have to take Lilian out of the room until Sylvia falls asleep, because she prevents poor Lils from sleeping.

Tonight was no different. After the fourth time of catching her that night, her mom told her that she was taking Lilian downstairs, and that Sylvia wasn't allowed to go swimming tomorrow. Sylvia starts screaming and throwing a fit, and then yells out "BUT JESSICA'S BEEN NAUGHTY TOO! MAKE HER SLEEP ALONE TOO!"

Not only does she STILL make it seem like I'm doing bad things to her, but now she's also implying I sneak people into my bedroom at night.

Her parents know she's just a devious, clever, evil almost-three year old, so they know she's just making all this stuff up, but STILL!

That little kid needs a kick in the face.

I suggest boot camp.

But when she's not using her evil powers to turn people against me, she's adorable and likes to cuddle with me, as we watch Toy Story on repeat. We wear cowboy hats and act out the movie with the toys (since she has them). It's adorable, lol

Look. She refused to even LOOK at me for the picture, because Toy Story was on. We watch it at least once a day. I know EVERY word now. Literally every word. I can't send someone with that much dedication to an amazing movie to BOOT CAMP!

Which is why you just kick her in her face.

Duh

Put a lid on her crib. Like make it into a cage. Its much less violent than kicking her in the face.

HA! CAGED CHILDREN!!!! My favorite.